Homesickenss...does it ever go away

At least once a month I get together with other German women living in the greater PDX area. We meet at a different home each month, there are different participants each month, and it is always very interesting. The women come from all walks of life. Women that have lived in the US for over 20 years, women who just moved here, expats who will go back to Germany within three years...So there is always different conversation and lots of fun to be had.

We met again last week and talked about one very interesting topic. Homesickness...the consensus seems to be...it never goes away. In the beginning it is not there at all. Speaking from my own experience the first few years, it was just so great to be away. But as I get older I begin to appreciate my roots much more. Funny things happen...I am from the South, but never really spoke with a real heavy Swabian accent...now the Southern draw seems to be much thicker. I am proud to be from Swabia. When we lived in Chicago I never had to urge to hang out with other Germans. I wanted to be all American...but now being older, having small children, I have to urge to hang out with Germans. It is on an even balance. I think that I have just as many American friends as I have German friends in PDX.

But would I ever move back to Germany? Well, the answer is no. I have thought about it many times. After 15 years in the US I do not think that I could easily reintegrate. Plus work, just another small factor :) I guess in an ideal world we'd spend three months in Europe and the rest of the year in PDX. That sounds great, doesn't it? There are other issues so...I sometimes feel like living in a perpetual grey zone. The prepetual grey zone of not belonging to either culture. I have lived too long away from Germany so I cannot really identify with the things going on in Germany today; on the other hand I did not grow up in the US so there are many things I just do not understand.

For now so I think that we have the perfect balance. Having lots of American and German friends, travelling to Germany at least once a year, speaking only German with our kids...in a way full emergence into both cultures....

One funny think I have to add here (and I think it was said before) is that when I am in Europe for a while I get really, really homesick for PDX :) So maybe the answer is that I have become a true citizen of the world, but then again there would be no homesickness, right?